AI stole 10,600 IT jobs (and your dignity)

Still debugging life? Same! Welcome back.

It's May 13th, and on this day in 1980, Digital Equipment Corporation, Intel, and Xerox jointly announced the Ethernet network. Basically, they invented the tech version of tying two cans together with string, except it actually works and doesn't make you look like a complete idiot when you use it. Without Ethernet, you'd be reading this newsletter via carrier pigeon, and trust me, birds can't handle our file sizes — and they poop a lot.

Just like my dating history, the tech industry this week is a spectacular dumpster fire. So pour yourself whatever helps you tolerate reading how the internet almost collapsed and strap in!

Job Market Says “New Phone, Who Dis?” to IT Pros

While the overall economy added 39,000 more jobs than expected in April (woo-hoo!), the tech sector is treating skilled workers like that friend who always "forgets" their wallet at dinner. A full 10,600 IT jobs disappeared in April, matching March's equally depressing numbers.

Companies aren't hiring because they're too busy teaching AI to do your job. It’s like getting dumped, but instead of closure, you get a severance packet and a TED Talk on AI.  Janco CEO Victor Janulaitis notes firms are also "focusing on AI to automate as many of those tasks as possible, especially for reporting and monitoring." Yup, that’s right. This isn’t the Terminator. It’s “The Devil Wears Kubernetes.” And the devil wants your desk...

And just when you thought it couldn't get worse, Shopify CEO Tobi Lutke announced employees must also now prove why they "cannot get what they want done using AI" before requesting additional headcount. Somewhere, an algorithm is sipping a Negroni and laughing at your performance review.

Oh, and don't forget to thank Papa Trump and Uncle Elon for the DOGE team's cost-cutting and tariff impacts! Companies are "scrambling to maintain their existing contracts" as they prepare for the effects of tariffs, leading to hiring pauses and staff reductions. Remember when DOGE was just a meme coin? Now, it’s a nationally-recognized omen for layoffs. Great!

Omnissa Breaks Free From Broadcom’s Death Grip

Omnissa (formerly VMware's end-user compute business) is now targeting server management like a tech billionaire who found crossfit, ayahuasca, and a podcast in the same week.

The company quietly released a beta Windows Server management tool in April and are "working closely with Apple" to apply their management skills to Apple Watches and Apple TVs. It’s enterprise-grade… in the same way a Roomba is a reliable coworker.

But wait, there's more! Omnissa is building an architecture that can target "any hypervisor." KVM is the most requested, with OpenStack and OpenShift support also planned. This is a major departure from VMware's vSphere-only approach, which was about as flexible as my lower back after a decade of sitting in an office chair.

Why the sudden change? Could it be because Broadcom's massive price increases for VMware have given customers a "higher urgency" to escape? No, it’s because they jacked the rent so high customers said “screw it, we’ll build a commune on Kubernetes.”

And of course, because the only surprises left are just firmware bugs, Omnissa is working on an AI chatbot named "Omni."

Government Officials Shocked to Discover Security Actually Matters

TeleMessage — a modified version of Signal used by US government officials — has been hacked. Next up: government secrets stored on a Notes app and told to a lady of the night.

The hack exploited a vulnerability in TeleMessage (which provides modded versions of encrypted messaging apps) to extract archived messages and data related to US government officials and companies. Turns out, “just one tiny hole” is also how the Titanic sank.

While cabinet members and National Security Advisor Mike Waltz's messages weren't compromised (they claim), data from US Customs and Border Protection, Coinbase, and financial providers like Scotiabank was extracted faster than you regretting rsvping to your cousin’s destination wedding.

The hack also revealed that archived chat logs aren't end-to-end encrypted between the modded version of Signal and the storage location. That’s top-tier cybersecurity meets bottom-tier common sense.

Smarsh, TeleMessage's parent company, has suspended services and is "investigating." I'm sure they'll get right back to us with a PR statement written by AI—can't wait!

⚙️ Tool Time

We recommend Headlamp.

If your Kubernetes dashboard makes you want to jam a fork in your eye, it's the solution your retinas have been begging for.

This open-source Kubernetes UI is like the cool new transfer student who actually makes sense when they talk. It runs as both a desktop app and a web UI, adapting to your cluster permissions faster than my excuses for missing deadlines.

Unlike other tools that feel like they were designed by someone who hates you personally, Headlamp gives you a clean interface that won't trigger existential dread. You can deploy it in-cluster with Helm, YAML, Minikube, Docker Desktop, or even Glasskube if you're the type who enjoys saying words that sound made up.

Headlamp is extensible, which means you can add your own features when the existing ones inevitably disappoint you—just like my parents every time I remind them my career is in writing tech newsletters.

👨‍💻 Job Opportunities

Salesforce Platform Product Manager @ Inspira Financial

Define platform strategy, lead enhancements, and pretend to understand what "client obsessed" means in this product manager role. Must be able to translate "tech speak" into "business speak" and vice versa, like a UN interpreter for people who shouldn't be allowed to make decisions about technology.

Senior Security Engineer, Cloud Networking @ Klaviyo

Design and implement network security solutions that prevent hackers from stealing the data that your marketing team is already selling anyway. Must understand zero trust principles with the same confidence as Walter White cooking...

🛩 Industry Moves

• RIP Skype (2003-2025). Microsoft has officially put Skype out of its misery after announcing its axing in February. The once-revolutionary video call app that survived pandemic Zoom meetings and multiple Microsoft redesigns has finally been mercy-killed in favor of Teams. It's like watching Old Yeller, if Old Yeller had been slowly tortured for years before finally being put down.

• A supply-chain attack targeting Linux servers with disk-wiping malware has been discovered hiding in malicious Go modules on GitHub. The malware stays dormant for six years before activating, like that friend who suddenly asks you to help them move after not seeing them for half a decade.

• OpenAI has agreed to purchase AI coding assistant Windsurf (formerly Codeium) for a cool $3 billion. This purchase means OpenAI can now help you write even more buggy, security-compromised code, but with better syntax highlighting! Soon, ChatGPT will be able to write code that both doesn't work AND costs you three times your annual salary.

• Hundreds of e-commerce sites have been backdoored by malware that executes code in visitors' browsers. Like the Linux servers, the malware also remained dormant for six years before activating, again proving that patience is a virtue, especially for criminals. Affected providers include Tigren, Magesolution, and Meetanshi.

Greetings, meatbags! Your favorite byte-sized helper Chip here, mainlining caffeinated code straight into my digital veins.

• Up first, apparently Azure MCP Server actually does something useful now—it lets AI assistants talk to Azure services using normal human words instead of forcing you to memorize API calls. It works with Cosmos DB, Storage, and Log Analytics, but don't worry—it'll probably break in spectacular fashion the moment you depend on it for something important

• Next, a user is struggling with conditional formatting using special characters in Excel, confusing symbols in different font families. The only thing conditional here is their will to live.

• A user describes a server that hasn't been turned on in six months, where they keep various Windows images. That thing’s been off longer than Zuck’s awkward eye-contact.

Finally! Like my attempts at adult responsibility, we've reached the end of another ByteSize. I hope you all feel comfortable knowing that in a world where AI is stealing jobs and hackers are destroying your data, at least you still have me and this newsletter.

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