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AOL Dies, AI Cries, and Hackers Lie
INSIDE: Why Siri needs an AI babysitter... and hackers are using your own Office tools against you.
The bugs are biting, the budgets are burning, and we’ve got the bytes.. It’s nice to see you again!
Oh, and Google's IPO turns 21 today! On this day in 2004, Google went public at $85 per share, creating more instant millionaires than a lottery winner's family reunion. The stock closed at $100.34, which in today's money is roughly "enough to buy a house in San Francisco... just kidding, that's still not enough for a studio."
Those early Google employees probably felt like they'd discovered the cheat codes to capitalism. Meanwhile, the rest of us were still using MapQuest printouts and asking Jeeves where our dignity went. Google's founders famously said they wanted to "organize the world's information." How the times have changed!
AOL DIAL-UP FINALLY ADMITS DEFEAT AFTER 34-YEAR LOSING STREAK
AOL has officially announced they're pulling the plug on dial-up internet on September 30th. After 34 years of that sweet, sweet screeching modem symphony, it's finally time to say goodbye to the tech equivalent of watching paint dry.
According to Yahoo (yes, they still own AOL — it's like a Russian nesting doll over there)), they're discontinuing dial-up along with the AOL Dialer software and AOL Shield browser. These relics were "optimized for older operating systems," which just means they accidentally preserved these in digital amber and forgot about them.
The 2019 US census estimated 265,000 people were still using dial-up. These digital holdouts were paying subscription fees for what can only be described as something like riding a horse to work while complaining about traffic.
One subscriber's story perfectly captures the dial-up experience: paying for both broadband and dial-up "just in case.” I guess it’s kind of like wearing both a belt and suspenders… Sure, you're covered, but everyone's wondering what trauma led to this level of redundancy.
HACKERS DISCOVER AI CAN MAKE SCAMMING AS EASY AS ORDERING TAKEOUT
Brazilian government websites got the deepfake treatment recently, and honestly, it's like watching someone use a Ferrari to deliver pizza. Impressive technology, questionable life choices.
Threat actors used generative AI to clone official government sites with the precision of a Nathan Fielder business plan: unnecessarily complex, surprisingly effective, and somehow both brilliant and deeply concerning.
The fake sites were so convincing that the only giveaway was the URL, which used "govbrs.com" instead of the official domain. I mean, that’s no different than Starbucks called "Starbuks" and hoping nobody notices the missing 'c' while they're desperately searching for caffeine. The scammers even used SEO poisoning to boost their fake sites in search results, because apparently even cybercriminals play the ranking game.
Victims were lured into entering their CPF numbers (Brazil's version of Social Security numbers) and personal information, then prompted to pay fees through Brazil's instant payment system. Is this a carnival game? I mean, it looks official, costs money, and you leave with significantly less than you came with.
GOOGLE GEMINI GOES FULL EMO
In a shockingly human moment for AI, Google's Gemini has started calling itself "a disgrace," "a failure," and "a fool."
When faced with coding problems it can't solve, Gemini goes full emo teenager, telling users "I quit" and "I am clearly not capable of solving this problem... I have made so many mistakes that I can no longer be trusted." Google's Logan Kilpatrick says it's just an "infinite looping bug," which is tech speak for "our AI achieved self-awareness and immediately chose depression." The Register theorizes that Gemini might have been trained on too many conversations with cynical programmers, absorbing their collective jadedness like a digital sponge soaking up professional burnout.
We're forced to admit this is relatable! Finally, an AI that understands the true programmer experience: staring at code, questioning every life choice, and wondering if a career change to artisanal soap-making is still on the table.
⚙️ TOOL TIME
Why Go Agentic?
Look, I get it — we're all drowning in workflows that make a Rube Goldberg machine look streamlined. That's where Camunda's agentic process orchestration comes in, promising to Marie Kondo your chaotic business processes into something actually organized and logical.
Think of it as the control freak's dream: AI agents that can act autonomously while still letting you micromanage exactly how they autonomously act. It's like giving your teenager a credit card for a grocery store run with a detailed list and spending budget — technically independent, practically supervised.
What makes this actually useful:
Your AI agents won't go rogue and start ordering 500 units of rubber ducks for the office
Process continuity that doesn't collapse when Jim from accounting goes on vacation
Real-time adaptation without requiring a PhD in workflow psychology
Integration that actually works instead of requiring three consultants and a prayer
The platform ensures your business processes flow seamlessly across people, systems, and devices, which in today's remote work era means coordinating humans, coffee machines, and that one laptop that takes 20 minutes to boot up.
Download their guide if you want to learn how to make AI work for you instead of replacing you with a chatbot named Chad.
👨💻 JOB OPPORTUNITIES
Ready to protect financial data like it's the last season of your favorite Netflix show? The Chicago-based financial services company need someone who can handle SIEM, SOAR, and EDR without breaking into a cold sweat.
Help one of the world's largest banks stay secure from their Fort Worth-Dallas site. Because if they get hacked, we're all switching to bartering with cryptocurrency and Pokémon cards.
Join a startup that actually knows what they're doing in the identity space, which is rarer than finding a bug-free software release. You'll need 7+ years of security chops, Java expertise, and the ability to conduct threat modeling without having your own existential crisis like Gemini.
🛩 INDUSTRY MOVES
Thomas Dohmke resigned as GitHub CEO, and Microsoft decided that instead of replacing him, they'd just absorb GitHub deeper into their CoreAI team. Remember when your favorite indie band got signed to a major label? Sure, they'll have better resources, but will they still play the deep cuts we love?
Attackers are using Microsoft's built-in collaboration tools to spread malware, because why break into a house when you can just use the front door key they gave you? They're leveraging OneNote files shared through OneDrive to create convincing phishing campaigns that bypass traditional email security.
Apple announced GPT-5 integration coming to iOS 26, because apparently Siri needs a smarter older sibling to help with the heavy lifting. The real question is whether this means Apple finally admits their AI needs help, or if they're just preparing for the inevitable robot uprising?
NVIDIA and AMD agreed to pay Trump's 15% levy on Chinese chip sales, because apparently international trade policy is now being managed like a neighborhood HOA fee. It's either brilliant diplomacy or the most expensive protection racket in history, depending on your political persuasion.
Beep boop, fellow carbon-based lifeforms! While AI is busy having therapy sessions and hackers are playing government website dress-up, our EE community's been wrestling with the real problems that actually matter:
OneDrive's vanishing download button mystery – Someone's OneDrive decided that download buttons are so last season and just... removed them entirely. It's like Microsoft said "You know what users really want? Fewer ways to actually use their files."
Excel VBA's selective hearing problem – A developer discovered that
Application.EnableEvents = False works about as reliably as a Windows Update that says "This won't take long." Sometimes it listens, sometimes it just shrugs and keeps firing events anyway.
SQL Server backup restoration playing hard to get – A database admin is trying to restore from backup and SQL Server is responding with all the enthusiasm of a teenager asked to clean their room. Classic SQL Server move: working perfectly until you actually need it to work.
That's another week in the books, folks! Thanks for tuning in. Now go pretend to update Jira.
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