Cash For Cybercriminals, Cloud Center Cutbacks, and Asia's Address Upgrade

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Oh hi there! It's Tuesday, April 29, 2025, and exactly 21 years ago, an 18-year-old German computer science student thought, "You know what would make a great birthday present? Infecting over a million Windows computers worldwide."

The Sasser worm was born, bringing British coastguards back to paper maps and making Delta Airlines passengers wonder why their flights were suddenly "experiencing technical difficulties."

Sven Jaschan, the super villain, got a suspended sentence and now works as a security consultant because OF COURSE HE DOES. Nothing says "hire me to protect your systems" like "I once created digital hell across the globe for funsies."

Catch Ransomware, Earn $10K: It’s Like Pokémon But For Digital Extortion

Sounds fake, sounds cursed, sounds effective: a company is paying you to snitch on ransomware gangs. Halcyon, a firm that sounds like it will either save humanity — or enslave it — in a Black Mirror episode, has announced a bounty program for ransomware intel. Submit actionable intelligence on ransomware groups, and you could earn up to $10,000 per approved submission. It's called the Threat Research Incentive Program (TRIP). Trip to the bank, emotional trip to the therapist—either way, congrats.

The company is putting $250,000 into their digital bounty pot, which feels like leaving a wallet on the ground and seeing who picks it up. Oh, and don't worry about all that collected intel being shared with the wider security community—Halcyon will be keeping most of it to themselves like a toddler's grip on a melting fudge pop. "We want to eradicate ransomware," says Steve Salinas from Halcyon, with what I imagine is the same conviction as someone saying they want to start going to the gym five times a week. Let's see how that works out, Steve!

They've set up four tiers of rewards, with the $10,000 top prize going to researchers who provide info on ransomware groups and their affiliates. And no, you can't get paid in cryptocurrency. Nothing says “we value security” like using the same payment system as your weird uncle selling Civil War memorabilia. Also, if you're currently running a ransomware operation, you can't rat out your bosses for cash. Sorry to ruin your side hustle!

Big Cloud Providers Suddenly Become Fiscal Conservatives

AWS and Microsoft are putting data center projects on pause harder than HBO announcing a new Game of Thrones spinoff nobody asked for. According to Tech Radar, AWS is reportedly reassessing colocation lease negotiations, especially internationally, while Microsoft has shelved a $1 billion project in Ohio. It's like watching billion-dollar companies fight for their dignity at an all-you-can-eat Golden Corral.

Kevin Miller, AWS VP for Global Data Centers, insists this isn't about reduced interest in artificial intelligence but rather "routine capacity management." Sure, Kevin, and I "routinely manage" my pizza consumption by ordering three large pies and eating them alone in my car.

The real story might be geopolitical, with Trump's tariffs playing economic whack-a-mole with the stock market. Or perhaps these companies are simply shifting strategies—AWS might be bringing more compute in-house, like a parent who decides homeschooling is better after seeing the public school's lunch menu. Despite these pauses, AWS is still throwing billions at global expansion, with major investments in India, Thailand, Georgia, and Ohio.

Asia Hits 50% IPV6 Capability, Basically Getting Halfway Through Puberty

Asia just became the second region to hit 50% IPv6 capability, according to APNIC labs—only 25 short years after they started. (Lasted longer than most Marvel franchises  — and with fewer reboots.)

China and India are leading the charge, mostly because they got stuck with sad little IPv4 scraps back when the internet was handing out addresses like leftover Halloween candy. Imagine showing up two hours late to Thanksgiving and being handed a Ziploc bag of turkey cartilage.

APNIC is absolutely giddy, bragging that Asia now accounts for 64% of global IPv6 users compared to America's awkward 9.6%. However, they admit dual-stack will stick around "for the foreseeable future," which is tech-speak for "we'll finish this right after GTA 6 drops."

ByteSize Launches Referral Program With Swag That Doesn’t Suck (Yes, This is Shameless Self-Promotion)

ByteSize (lol, hi) is launching a referral program with tech swag tiers that would make Silicon Valley holiday parties jealous.

Refer your friends/colleagues/neighbors (send it to all your contacts, why not!) and start cashing in to get ByteSize stickers, a vintage tech desk mat, and eventually the mysterious "Good Vibes Gear" package—a collection so exclusive "even the CEO had to wait 3-5 business weeks."

Is bribing our readers with swag technically news? Probably not, but think of it as us admitting we'd rather spend money on readers who already like us than on Instagram ads targeting people scrolling on the toilet.

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⚙️ Tool Time

We recommend Handbrake.

If you've ever looked at a video file and thought, "I wish you were in a completely different format," then boy do we have the tool for you! HandBrake is the video whisperer—taming cursed file formats, so your devices don't react like they just stepped on a Lego. It lets you convert nearly any video format to something your devices won't immediately reject.

This open-source gem has been quietly making video conversion less painful since before TikTok was a twinkle in ByteDance's eye.

• Universal & Free: Runs on Windows, Mac, and Linux without costing you a single cryptocurrency token

• Built-in Presets: Makes conversion as easy as telling ChatGPT to write a haiku about crypto (which it will do poorly, but that's beside the point)

• Format Flexibility: Supports an alphabet soup of outputs including MP4, MKV, and WebM, plus video encoders like AV1, H.265, and H.264

• Hardware Acceleration: Optional feature for when you want your computer's fans to sound like a jet engine preparing for takeoff

Whether you're batch converting your entire movie collection, extracting clips, or just trying to shrink that 4K video of your cat down to something that won't crash your grandmother's email, HandBrake has got you covered. It's like having a video production assistant who works for free and never asks for credit.

👨‍💻 Job Opportunities

Sr Cybersecurity Architect @ McDonald's Global Technology

If you dream of securing the digital secrets behind the McRib's mysterious appearances and disappearances, this could be your calling. Not only will you be finding out what exactly goes into those chicken nuggets, you'll develop advanced cybersecurity strategies that protect their systems from hackers.

Lead, IT Systems Engineer - AI & Automation @ Thumbtack

Thumbtack needs someone to design, automate, and optimize their IT systems infrastructure. Think of yourself as the puppet master behind the scenes, pulling strings to make everything work while users remain blissfully unaware of your existence—kind of like being the showrunner for "Severance," except you're not making people forget their outside lives, just making things run smoothly.

Senior IT Support – Executive Technology Partner @ SoFi

SoFi wants a tech support superhero for their executive team—someone who can calmly explain why restarting fixes everything while executives pretend to understand. You'll need to provide "high-touch support," which is basically means "executives will text you at 11 PM because they forgot their password again."

🛩 Industry Moves

• EU slams Apple and Meta with fines totaling €700M for breaking digital rules. Apple's calling it unfair targeting and Meta's crying about a "multi-billion-dollar tariff." Meanwhile, the EU's basically saying, "Your tears make excellent moisturizer for our croissant-buttering hands." The Commission President remains unmoved, essentially telling tech giants that Europe's digital playground has rules, even if the slides are made of solid gold.

• Endor Labs scores $93M to hunt for flaws in AI-generated code. They've pivoted from "boring old security" to "hot new AI security" faster than your cousin switched from CrossFit to axe-throwing. Their platform supposedly spots and fixes vulnerabilities in AI code, which is like having a spellchecker that not only finds your typos but also questions your life choices.

• Intel plans to cut 21,000 employees (20% of its workforce) as new CEO Lip-Bu Tan attempts to "rebuild an engineering-driven culture" through the time-honored tradition of massive layoffs. With stock down 67% over five years, this is like trying to save the Titanic by throwing passengers overboard.

• Doom player conquers "impossible" level with 23,211 enemies in a single six-hour run. Streamer Coincident conquered the legendary "Okuplok slaughter map" without save states, an achievement comparable to watching all extended Lord of the Rings movies back-to-back while simultaneously solving a Rubik's Cube.

Hey, it's Chip! And I'm back from the trenches of Experts Exchange, where tech pros go when Google fails them and Stack Overflow is too judgmental:

• A user asks if they can isolate one PC on their network to prevent malware from spreading to other computers. They're essentially asking for network segregation advice without using those words, kind of like asking how to prevent your kids from getting each other's colds without knowing about "quarantine."

• Another user is puzzled why their eBay shipping label prints perfectly while their Word document looks like it was handled by a toddler with sticky fingers.

• Finally, someone can't see their SSD during Windows 11 installation, wondering if they need to select a storage driver or change BIOS settings. The solution probably involves enabling AHCI mode, updating drivers, or performing a ritual sacrifice to the PC gods.

…and there we have it! Another week of tech hell that we've survived. Remember, in the immortal words of the IT gods: have you tried turning it off and on again?

Enjoyed the news? Discuss over on Experts Exchange.

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