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Chromebook Gets Facial, DDoS Drama, and Half a Trillion in AI Dreams
Apparently, Google wants you to control your Chromebook with your face?
Woohoo! It's January 28th, and we're talking Yahoo!
In 1999, exactly 26 years ago today, Yahoo! bought GeoCities for $3.65 billion.
For you youngsters out there, GeoCities was basically the first MySpace, which was basically the first Facebook, which was basically... well, you get the idea. At its peak, GeoCities hosted 38 million pages of glorious, eye-searing animated GIFs and auto-playing MIDI files. When it finally shut down in 2009, it took the dreams of countless aspiring web designers (and their "Under Construction" GIFs) with it.
Well, kids, what did we learn from all of this? Even a $3.65B price tag doesn't guarantee immortality in tech.
Speaking of massive price tags, let's dive into this week's news…
OpenAI Announces $500B "Stargate" Project
Critics ask "where's the money?”
According to the Register, OpenAI just announced a $500 billion AI infrastructure project that makes Yahoo's GeoCities purchase look like pocket change. It's called "Stargate" – because nothing says "serious AI infrastructure" quite like naming your project after a sci-fi franchise where aliens cosplaying as Ancient Egyptians built mysterious portals. (*At least they didn't go with "Death Star" — that would've been a little too on the nose.*)
The first phase of the project kicks off with a $100 billion investment in data centers across the country to support future AI development. SoftBank will handle how to get the money (*all of it. Like, all of it*), while OpenAI manages the technical side. They're already building their first facility in Abilene, Texas, presumably because "Middle of Nowhere, USA" was already trademarked.
And because no massive tech project is complete without sovereign wealth involvement, UAE money is helping foot the bill through MGX. Between the project name and the Middle Eastern backing, we're one ancient artifact away from a crossover episode.
But here's where it gets spicy: Elon Musk is calling shenanigans, claiming they "don't actually have the money." OpenAI's Sam Altman fired back with an invitation to visit their first site, adding that sometimes what's "great for the country isn't always what's optimal for your companies."
…and somewhere, Dr. Evil is furiously updating his ransom demands after hearing these numbers.
Google Wants You To Control Your Chromebook With Your Face
Move over, mouse and keyboard… Google's betting your face is the next big input device.
Google's latest Chrome OS feature lets you control your Chromebook with facial expressions and head movements. While this is primarily aimed at improving accessibility for those with motor impairments, it could revolutionize how we all interact with our devices.
Of course, having your computer watch your every facial twitch raises some obvious privacy questions. Google says the feature processes all expressions locally on your device, but we've heard that one before. The feature's optional and can be disabled faster than you can say "surveillance capitalism."
Google's also launching over 20 new Chromebooks this year, presumably all ready to watch you make faces at your screen.
We just can't help but wonder if eye-rolling will finally become a legitimate way to close those annoying pop-ups.
Record-Breaking DDoS Attack Blocked, But There's More
Cloudflare just blocked what they're calling the largest DDoS attack ever recorded: a massive 5.6Tbps UDP flood. For context, that's enough data to stream "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy about 373 times simultaneously. In HD. With director's commentary.
The attack, which lasted just 80 seconds, involved more than 13,000 devices, each contributing around 1 Gbps to the massive flood. To visualize this attack: imagine if every cat video on the internet decided to play simultaneously in your browser. That's basically what happened here.
Cloudflare's autonomous systems managed to block it without human intervention or performance degradation, suggesting that DDoS defense systems are finally keeping pace with attack capabilities.
But wait, there's more: A new Mirai-variant botnet called "Murdoc" is targeting IP cameras and routers worldwide. Because apparently, your security camera needs its own social network of compromised devices. The botnet has already infected over 1,000 systems, primarily in Southeast Asia. (Maybe this is what happens when you don't forward that chain email from 2003?)
So while Cloudflare's celebrating their win, somewhere out there a coffee maker is being recruited into the next botnet. The Internet of Things is starting to look more like the Internet of "Thanks, But No Thanks."
⚙️ Tool Time
We recommend Thunderbird.
Developed by Mozilla (the Firefox folks), it's free, open-source, and brings all your accounts together without the creepy data collection that's become as common as those "accept cookies" pop-up buttons.
Just like Experts Exchange, Thunderbird stands firm in the belief that your data is yours alone — no AI training, no ads, no sneaky data collection disguised as "product improvement."
For IT pros, Thunderbird offers enterprise-grade features without the enterprise-grade headaches:
- unified IMAP/POP3 account management
- built-in OpenPGP encryption
- seamless calendar integration with CardDAV/CalDAV support
Its open-source architecture means you can peek under the hood, and its robust extension system lets you customize everything from message filters to security protocols. Plus, the latest versions include native OAuth 2.0 support for Microsoft 365 and Gmail accounts, making it a perfect bridge between legacy systems and modern authentication requirements.
Think of it as your email's witness protection program, but with better calendar integration.
A shout out to EE member serialband for this great recommendation!
👨💻 Job Opportunities
Tap into your inner Nick Fury and lead your own Dynamics team. **Must be able to optimize workflows, and bonus points if you can handle escalations while staying cool, calm, and collected.
Do you have experience using SQL and Jira? Are you able to carry up to 50 times your own body weight? AntFarm Services is seeking a highly skilled Configuration Manager with a strong technical background and the ability to thrive in high-pressure environments. We’re guessing the benefits include regular company picnics.
🛩 Industry Moves
Databricks Raises $15.3B Because Why Not?
Data analytics platform Databricks just closed a massive financing round at a $62B valuation with Meta as its "strategic investor."
The funding includes $5.25B in debt financing from major banks, which feels a bit like getting a mortgage to buy magic beans — but hey, these beans come with machine learning capabilities.The company plans to use the cash for new AI products, global expansion, and acquisitions, or as Silicon Valley calls it, "Tuesday."
The Industry's Dirty Secret: Datacenter Emissions
Your cloud storage might not be as green as advertised. A new report suggests datacenter emissions might be seven times higher than reported. Turns out those renewable energy certificates areas effective as a paper fan to cool the sun.
Amazon's AWS bundles its emissions data with its retail operations, making it as transparent as a brick wall painted black. Microsoft and Google's emissions have also skyrocketed despite their eco-friendly PR campaigns.
If AI workloads keep growing at this rate, we'll need to start measuring carbon footprints in Yottabytes… Goodbye, Earth.
💽 Data Upload
Well folks, that's all for this week!
In a world where AI projects cost half a trillion dollars, your face might soon be your mouse, and botnets are making friends with your security cameras, at least we still have each other.
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