Google gets creepy, Linux gets malware-y, Python gets poison-y

Switch to SuperMobile from T-Mobile. Get iPhone 17 Pro on us

SuperMobile gives your business what it needs: unlimited premium data on America’s largest 5G network, intelligent network performance, and a 5-year price guarantee.*

Plus if you switch to SuperMobile right now, you can get a free iPhone 17 Pro (with a qualifying plan) to run your business.

The best business plan on the best network.

Get started
*5-year price guarantee excludes taxes & fees. Full terms at T-Mobile.com

Woof! I mean... Welcome back! We’re back with the tech news you love and fewer subject lines from The Secret Life of Pets.

It's January 20th, and we're celebrating a milestone that proves tech history is basically one long inside joke we're all pretending to understand. On this day in 1985, Apple aired their infamous "Lemmings" commercial during Super Bowl XIX to launch the ill-fated "Macintosh Office" software. The commercial featured business people in suits blindly walking off a cliff like lemmings while a narrator suggested they were mindlessly following IBM. The ad was widely considered a failure because it seemingly insulted its intended audience.

Speaking of things that don't work as intended, two weeks of dog-related subject lines wasn't exactly our planned editorial strategy. Though honestly, given how this industry behaves, maybe we should just lean into it and start covering tech news exclusively through canine metaphors. "Elon Musk fetches another lawsuit while Mark Zuckerberg plays dead on privacy issues." See? It works!!!

GOOGLE WANTS TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU (EW!)

Google just launched Personal Intelligence for Gemini, because apparently regular AI wasn't invasive enough. Now Gemini can rifle through your Gmail, Google Photos, YouTube history, and search data to provide "more personalized responses."

Ask about tire recommendations, and Gemini will cross-reference your Gmail to identify your car model and check your Photos to see what road trips you've taken. It's HAL 9000 as your personal shopper, except HAL had the decency to try killing you directly instead of slowly mining your soul for ad revenue.

Google insists they're building this with "privacy in mind,” in other words, "we promise we're only going to stalk you a little bit, and we'll be really polite about it." They claim Gemini doesn't train on your actual emails, just on "limited info" like prompts and responses. Again, in other (real, human) words: "We're not reading your emails... we're just teaching our AI to understand why you keep googling 'is my boss a sociopath' every Monday morning."

But don't worry, you can turn it off! Just like you can "turn off" targeted ads by clicking through 47 different privacy settings buried deeper than your high school embarrassment folder.

Naturally, this rolls out to paid Google AI Pro and Ultra subscribers first. Because if you're selling your digital soul, you might as well pay premium prices for the privilege. Very 2026.

LINUX GETS ITS FIRST PROPER MALWARE (CONGRATULATIONS?)

Researchers discovered VoidLink, a never-before-seen Linux malware framework that's "far more advanced than typical Linux malware," which is like being the tallest building in Kansas. It's an achievement, technically, but the bar wasn't exactly set high.

This framework features over 30 modules that can customize attacks for specific targets, because apparently cybercriminals have embraced the subscription economy too. Want basic infiltration? That's the starter package. Need cloud detection and privilege escalation? That'll be the premium tier. Next they'll probably offer a family plan for botnets.

VoidLink specifically targets machines in AWS, GCP, Azure, Alibaba, and Tencent clouds, with plans to add support for DigitalOcean and Vultr. It's like a malware world tour, except instead of selling tickets, they're stealing your data.

The interface is localized for Chinese operators, suggesting it comes from a Chinese development environment. The good news is the Check Point hasn't found any signs it's actually infecting machines in the wild yet. So it's basically the cybersecurity world's most elaborate tech demo—like those concept cars that never make it to production, except instead of flying doors, this one has rootkit functions.

The researchers called it "far more advanced than typical" Linux malware, which sounds impressive until you remember most Linux malware is about as sophisticated as a screen door on a submarine.

PYTHON LIBRARIES GET POISONED (NOT THE REPTILE KIND)

Popular AI and ML Python libraries used in Hugging Face models are vulnerable to a new type of attack where hackers hide malicious code in metadata that executes automatically when files are loaded. It's like those Russian nesting dolls, except instead of finding smaller dolls inside, you find malware.

The affected libraries, NeMo (Nvidia), Uni2TS (Salesforce), and FlexTok (Apple with Swiss collaborators), all use Meta's Hydra configuration tool. Because of course Meta is somehow involved in another privacy and security mess, even when they're not trying to be.

The vulnerability involves Hydra's instantiate() function, which doesn't just accept class names but any callable function. This means attackers can use built-in Python functions like eval() and os.system() to execute remote code. It's like giving someone the keys to your house and being surprised when they use them to break in.

Unit 42 researchers found that while there's no evidence of active exploitation yet, there's "ample opportunity for attackers to leverage them." Which is security researcher speak for "we haven't seen this go bad yet, but it definitely will."

The fix involves creating blocklists and using allow lists for trusted sources, because apparently we're back to the days of manually curating everything like it's 1995 and we're building GeoCities websites.

⚙️ TOOL TIME

T-Mobile SuperMobile: Finally, A Network That Works Like It's 2026

Look, I've roasted enough tech companies to know when one actually deserves credit. SuperMobile (from—you guessed it—T-Mobile) is what happens when someone finally built business connectivity that doesn't make you question your life choices.

What makes it worth your time:

• Intelligent performance: Network slicing that prioritizes your actual work over Karen from accounting's Instagram stories during peak hours

• Nationwide 5G Advanced security: Robust encryption and device authentication that's actually advanced, not just marketing-speak advanced

• Satellite connectivity: Works anywhere you can see sky. No additional hardware, no setup nightmares, just coverage that extends beyond civilization's reach

• 5-year price guarantee: Because nothing says stability like locking in rates while everything else gets more expensive

• Unlimited premium data + 300GB hotspot: Run your business without constantly checking if you're about to hit some arbitrary data wall

The bonus: Switch now and get a free iPhone 17 Pro with qualifying plans. Because sometimes good business decisions come with free stuff.

SuperMobile basically solves the "why doesn't my business connectivity work when I actually need it" problem. Get the full download on SuperMobile here.

👨‍💻 JOB OPPORTUNITIES

Senior IT Support Technician @ WHOOP 

This role is perfect for someone who enjoys fixing problems created by people who think restarting a computer is advanced troubleshooting. Bonus points if you can explain why clearing browser cache fixes everything without sounding condescending.

Internal Audit Senior, IT @ Coinbase

Here’s your chance to audit crypto infrastructure while pretending the whole industry isn't built on digital fairy dust and the collective delusion that numbers on screens equal real money. Must be comfortable with Excel and existential dread.

Senior IT Manager @ Spectrum

You’ll get to manage IT operations for a company that provides internet to people who then use it to complain about said internet. It's like being a chef who only serves food critics with anger management issues.

Director of IT and Product Support @ BeyondFinance

The FinTech company is looking to hire someone to lead support operations for a finance company, ensuring their systems work better than most people's personal financial decisions. Previous experience with crisis management recommended but not required.

🛩 INDUSTRY MOVES

• Dell wants £10M+ from VMware if the Tesco case goes south, because watching Broadcom and VMware implode in real-time isn't entertainment enough… Now we need a four-way corporate death match with grocery stores involved.

• Meta shuts down three VR studios as part of their ongoing strategy to convince everyone the metaverse was just an expensive fever dream we all shared during the pandemic.

• US cargo company accidentally made their shipping data public proving that sometimes the biggest security threat isn't hackers, it's forgetting to put passwords on things.

• Microsoft promises new data centers won't raise your electricity bills which is corporate speak for "we'll find other creative ways to make you pay for our AI addiction."

Hey there, fellow troubleshooters! This week our EE community tackled some real head-scratchers that prove tech is basically an elaborate practical joke played on humanity:

• Someone needs help rebuilding their RAID setup in iDRAC after a drive failure, because even redundant storage systems aren't immune to Murphy's Law.

• A macro-enabled Word template behaves differently when placed in the STARTUP folder versus being opened manually, which is Microsoft's way of reminding us that consistency is for amateurs.

• User accidentally overwrote an important file after upgrading to LibreOffice 25.8 and needs help recovering it, because nothing says "progress" like losing your work to software improvements.

That’s it for now! Thanks for reading, and for not unsubscribing after “Bluetooth Barking.” See you soon, unless we accidentally rebrand as BarkSize!

Enjoyed the news? Discuss over on Experts Exchange.

Got news to share or topics you'd like us to cover? Send ‘em our way by responding to this email. We can’t wait to hear from you. Really.