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Microsoft Bends Physics, Meta Rewires the Planet, and Reddit Goes Premium
Microsoft finds the quantum Holy Grail while an asteroid gets uncomfortably close to Earth...
Oh, hello there! Back for some more?
Well, it's February 25th – and on this day in 1959, the Automatically Programmed Tool (APT) language was demonstrated at MIT. This revolutionary programming language taught machines how to make physical objects – with the Air Force boasting it would "enable the United States to build a war machine that nobody would want to tackle."
The first thing it made? An ashtray.
Talk about starting small before conquering the world. The military-industrial complex has always had a flair for the dramatic...
Microsoft Finally Makes Quantum Computing Do Something After 17-Year Quest
While you were upgrading to Windows 11, Microsoft casually invented a new state of matter and bent physics to its will.
The tech titan pulled off the quantum computing equivalent of finding the Holy Grail. Last week, they've unveiled the Majorana 1 processor, potentially unlocking the door to quantum computers that can solve industrial-scale problems – and it only took them 17 years of research to do it. (Yes, you read that right… They've been at this longer than most people keep their cars – or their children…)
Here's what makes this special: Microsoft has created what they're calling a "topoconductor" (apparently, their genius doesn't extend to naming things lol) – a completely new material designed to control Majorana particles (named after physicist Ettore Majorana who described them back in 1937).
These particles create more reliable qubits, the fundamental units of quantum computing, which until now have been about as stable as your internet connection during a Zoom call with your manager.
The breakthrough could lead to chips with up to a million qubits that aren't much bigger than the CPUs in your desktop. For those keeping score at home, quantum computers with that many stable qubits could revolutionize everything from medicine to materials science, and might finally explain why your code always crashes at 4:59pm on Fridays. (It probably just hates you)
Stop the Presses—No, Seriously, They Already Did: Newspaper Publisher Confirms Ransomware Attack
As if it weren't already a dying industry, newspapers already battling declining readership just discovered a thrilling new way to fail: getting their digital systems encrypted by hackers.
Lee Enterprises – publisher of numerous U.S. newspapers like the the Winston-Salem Journal, Albany Democrat-Herald, and Corvallis Gazette-Times –has finally confirmed what many suspected – they're the latest victim of a ransomware attack.
In an SEC filing, the company admitted that "threat actors unlawfully accessed the company's network, encrypted critical applications, and exfiltrated certain files."
Lee is still investigating whether sensitive data or personally identifiable information was compromised, with the extremely non-reassuring statement that "no conclusive evidence has been identified, but the investigation remains ongoing."
(Corporate Speak Translation: "We're still trying to figure out exactly how bad this is, but maybe now’s the time to check your Experian and Credit Karma reports.")
Windows 11 Getting Migration Tool That Might Actually Not Be Terrible (We're as Shocked as You Are)
In a rare "Microsoft's actually listening to users???" moment, a few sleuths uncovered evidence of a new "Migration" feature hidden in Windows 11 that could make switching to a new computer significantly less traumatic than eating gas station sushi and hoping for the best.
Built into the existing Backup app, this wireless transfer tool would move all your files and settings from an old PC to a new one without the cloud middleman.
Both machines would need to be in close proximity and on the same Wi-Fi network, leveraging Microsoft's Nearby Sharing (their version of AirDrop but with 100% fewer accidental inappropriate photo shares to strangers – we hope).
Here's what we're excited about: This feature might also transfer third-party apps, not just Microsoft Store apps (all three of them that people actually use). That means you might not have to spend a full weekend reinstalling every program and playing "where did I save that license key?" detective.
Windows latest suggests we shouldn't get too excited yet – it's still just code buried in preview builds – but we're cautiously optimistic this might make PC migrations slightly less of an existential crisis.
⚙️ Tool Time
We recommend Datadog.
Specifically, for those times when you need to know exactly how screwed your systems are (preferably before your users do).
Think of it as having both Batman AND Alfred watching over your systems – vigilant, thorough, and equipped with way better tools than your average security team working on three energy drinks and a prayer. Datadog's Security Monitoring gives you full-stack defense across your apps, workloads, and infrastructure, detecting threats faster than you spotting free food in the break room.
Here's why we love it:
Consolidates your security tools into one platform so you're not juggling seventeen dashboards like a circus performer with ADHD
It’s loaded with 900+ detection rules mapped to MITRE ATT&CK frameworks (because nothing says "we're serious about security" like acronyms we have to Google).
Auto-prioritizes security alerts like someone finally organizing your cable drawer, revealing what actually matters amidst the chaos.
Its Error Tracking feature groups similar errors together so you're not wasting time investigating what's essentially the same problem in different disguises.
Plus, the unified visibility means DevOps and Security teams can finally stop their eternal blame game and work together on the same platform. It's like couples therapy for your technical teams, but with dashboards instead of uncomfortable couch conversations about your feelings.
Have a suggestion for next week’s tool time? Let us know!
👨💻 Job Opportunities
Grand Canyon Education seeks a full-stack developer with documentation skills that would make Linus Torvalds' changelog comments look like cave paintings. You'll build and maintain web apps while juggling stakeholder requirements like Keanu Reeves dodging bullets in The Matrix. Ideal for someone who organizes their Spotify playlists with the same passion they apply to their Git commits.
GovCIO is paying six figures for someone to modernize cemetery kiosk software—essentially building the Uber of finding dead people. You'll need Docker/Kubernetes/AWS skills worthy of a "Silicon Valley" Pied Piper engineer and security knowledge that would make Mr. Robot blush.
AAA seeks a Dynamics CRM specialist who enjoys Microsoft products more than Ted Lasso enjoys biscuits. You'll need the integration skills of Tony Stark building suits and the patience of a parent setting up their Boomer parents' new iPhone.
Netflix offering Wolf of Wall Street money (up to $720K) to build UIs that help decide which shows to cancel next. You'll work with React, GraphQL, and the Stranger Things-inspired Hawkins Design System while fighting the urge to include "Skip Intro" buttons on everything you build.
🛩 Industry Moves
Tech’s a mess. We make sense of it. Here’s what you shouldn’t scroll past this week:
A city-killing sized asteroid named 2024 YR4 (a name that can be easily confused with that of Elon's son) has a 3.2% chance of hitting Earth in 2032. NASA's considering either a DART-style shove or going full nuclear Bruce Willis.
Reddit’s adding paid subreddits in 2025. Existing content stays free – but for a fee, you can argue in style (we can already see the downvotes). Good luck protesting after last year’s API fee debacle.
Meta’s building Project Waterworth, a 50,000 kilometer undersea cable longer than Earth's circumference to speed up doomscrolling across five continents—because your aunt’s memes must load instantly.
A dangerous new malware "Snake" logged 280 million attempts to steal your data. Somebody get this thing a hobby.
💽 Data Upload
From quantum breakthroughs to sentient printers in our future, it's been quite a week. Remember to keep your systems updated, your passwords strong, and maybe start looking into asteroid insurance policies. Just in case…
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