Siemens Pirates VMware, Oracle Denies Reality, and Microsoft Fixes Matrix Printers

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Look who decided to show up in your inbox again—it's us, your favorite tech newsletter that is secretly trying to sell you blockchain cookware or metaverse real estate. April Fool's, of course! (We'd rather die.)

Happy April 1st, the day Google launched Gmail back in 2004 with its then-ridiculous 1GB of storage. Everyone thought it was a prank because, you know, April Fools’ Day, and because who could possibly need that much storage? (Unless it's your aunt and her Nigerian prince boyfriend.) Fast-forward to today when we're all swimming in 6,000 unread promotional emails about expired Groupon offers and mattress sales because sleeping apparently requires monthly upgrades. Yay, progress!

Siemens Essentially Walks Into VMware's Office and Confesses to Digital Theft

Bro, who tattles on themselves? Siemens pretty much just did.  The German tech conglomerate outed itself for pirating "thousands of copies" of VMware software. Not stealing a few licenses, not "forgetting" to renew one subscription—thousands. Of copies. That they never paid for.

According to court documents, Siemens casually revealed their extensive collection of bootlegged VMware products while trying to renew support for them—you know, the support you typically only get when you've actually purchased the software in the first place. Basically running the world’s largest enterprise bootleg operation since cousin Chad's illegal LimeWire empire went down in '08.

VMware—now under Broadcom's loving embrace—agreed to provide support anyway "to avoid interrupting Siemens's business operations," which is the most passive-aggressive move in enterprise tech since Oracle's licensing audits. C'mon, that's like asking your mugger with "Sure, take my wallet. Do you want my Netflix login too?"

When VMware requested permission to audit Siemens' systems, Siemens reportedly said, "Nah, we're good." Refusing an audit after self-reporting their piracy is like hijacking a yacht and radioing the U.S Coast Guard because there's no champagne onboard.

Broadcom, still dealing with customer backlash after killing perpetual VMware licenses, is probably relieved to finally be on the sympathetic side of a news story. For once.

Oracle's Cloud Security is Fine, Everything's Fine, Nothing to See Here

Oracle’s Cloud security right now is about as airtight as a screen door on a submarine. Larry Ellison's baby (read: Oracle) is adamantly denying any breach of its Cloud servers, despite mounting evidence suggesting, well, the exact opposite. A hacker with the totally-not-suspicious username “rose87168” claims to have swiped authentication data and encrypted passwords for 6 million users, and multiple companies have confirmed to BleepingComputer that yep, that's their data alright.

The most damning evidence: The hacker shared an Archive dot org URL for a file hosted on Oracle's own "login.us2.oraclecloud dot com" server containing their email address—basically proving they could create files directly on Oracle's systems. That's not just finding the front door unlocked. That's throwing yourself a surprise party and inviting the neighbors.

Even with companies confirming the authenticity of the leaked data and evidence the hacker exploited a vulnerability from 2021 (apparently patching is so last decade), Oracle maintains there was "no breach of Oracle Cloud." Come on now, insisting everything’s fine amid a massive security breach feels about as believable as Tom Cruise insisting he's just "a casual fan" of Scientology.

Oracle has taken the affected server offline, which feels suspiciously like admitting something went wrong without, you know, actually admitting it.

Microsoft Finally Fixes Printer Bug That Made Reports Look Like The Matrix

After months of letting USB printers spew gibberish, Microsoft has finally fixed a bug that turned simple print jobs into a gritty reboot of "The Matrix." (Congrats, Neo, you're free now.) The affected printers were outputting network commands and random characters, often starting with "POST /ipp/print HTTP/1.1" headers—essentially exposing the digital underwear of your printing process.

The bug specifically affected dual-mode printers supporting both USB Print and IPP Over USB protocols, and persisted from January through March despite customer complaints.

In true Microsoft fashion, the March update operated just like your fantasy football team: fixing one problem by creating three bigger ones—and somehow blaming the refs. (In other words, the update accidentally uninstalled Copilot from some devices). Microsoft helpfully noted they're "returning affected devices to their original state," which for many users is probably less "thanks for fixing it" and more "no, wait, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, please leave it broken."

⚙️ Tool Time

We recommend Devolutions' Remote Desktop Manager.

Because managing 20 connection tools individually is like coaching kindergarten soccer—everyone running aimlessly while you question all your career (and life) choices.

Picture this: every remote access technology you use—RDP, SSH, TeamViewer, VNC, and 196 others you've probably never heard of—all living harmoniously in one interface that doesn't make you want to throw your computer out the window. That's Remote Desktop Manager.

Key features for your sanity:

• Credential Injection: Automatically logs you in without having to remember if it was Password123! or Password123$ this time

• Secure Vault: Protects your passwords so well, it feels like trying to find the plot of Memento again

• Sharing That Actually Works: Share connections with your team without sharing passwords (revolutionary concept, we know)

• Offline Mode: For when your internet drops mid-deadline, and you find yourself bargaining with Comcast like a medieval peasant praying for rain.

• Management Tools: Hyper-V, Terminal Server, and VMware dashboards for when you need to control everything from one place like the tech overlord you are

The free version covers most mortal needs, but upgrading to enterprise is like getting bumped to first class on a Spirit Airlines flight: shockingly luxurious and totally unexpected. Like having a personal stewardess for your server connections, but one that never judges your naming conventions.

Hat tip to EE member Pawel for this recommendation!

👨‍💻 Job Opportunities

Mainframe IMS DBA - Remote:

The Evolvers Group seeks someone who remembers when computers filled entire rooms and COBOL was considered cutting edge. You'll be maintaining IMS databases and troubleshooting applications with the patience of someone who regularly explains crypto to their parents. CICS, VSAM, TSO? You eat acronyms for breakfast.

RPA Solution Architect (Google Cloud Platform) - Remote:

Dynpro is looking for someone to diplomatically assure employees that robots are here to help, not take over the planet (yet). (Think less Skynet, more Roomba stuck under a couch.) Implement Automation Anywhere, Camunda, and IBM ODM, and convince skeptical staff that automation won’t target their specific role—at least, not on your watch.

Full Stack Team Lead (Java + React) - Remote:

Perficient is willing to pay the big bucks for someone with 10+ years of experience who can code in Java, build React interfaces, and herd cats (developers) without losing their mind. Bonus points if you can switch from frontend to backend smoother than Shohei Ohtani switching from pitching to hitting home runs.

🛩 Industry Moves

• Google makes Android development private while promising to continue open-source releases. They're calling it “simplification,” which sounds suspiciously like when Apple removed the headphone jack for our “convenience.”

• Switzerland considers amending surveillance laws to add monitoring of VPNs and secure messaging apps. Privacy advocates are freaking out, worried it'll lead to more data theft and more attacks on people. We get it…Switzerland snooping on VPNs is like finding out Chet Hanks is really the son of Woody from Toy Story—it shatters your entire worldview.

• Google patches Chrome zero-day vulnerability (CVE-2025-2783) being exploited against journalists in "Operation ForumTroll." The attack sent phishing emails inviting targets to a Russian political summit, then hijacked their computers when they clicked. It’s like thinking you’re invited to the Roast of Tom Brady and ending up at an MLM recruitment meeting for essential oils.

• GetReal raises $17.5M to fight deepfakes with a platform co-founded by detection pioneer Hany Farid. Inventors include John Deere, Visa, and the CIA's venture arm. If you ask us, GetReal being funded by the CIA is a lot like your therapist secretly being paid by your ex—sure, it might help, but you have questions…

💽 Data Upload

Our Experts Exchange community has been busy solving the world's problems, one tech question at a time:

MS Teams user activity audit logs

Split last 4 digits in Excel

Microsoft Exchange migration strategy

And that's a wrap!

From Siemens' going  "yeah, we pirated thousands…what you gonna do about it?" to Oracle confidently denying reality, tech news has gone full Florida Man headlines. See you next week, folks.

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