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  • SparkKitty Is Stealing Your Crypto Faster Than Your Ex Stole Your Joy

SparkKitty Is Stealing Your Crypto Faster Than Your Ex Stole Your Joy

PLUS: Judge says AI can read books but can't pirate them, like your college roommate

July 01, 2025 • Estimated Reading Time: 12 minutes

Well well well, we meet again!  It’s July 1st, aka “Fourth of July week”—time for barbecues, breaches, and blaming outages on “holiday traffic.”

So, let’s celebrate early with the fact that this very day is the anniversary of Sony launching the Walkman in 1979 – the revolutionary device that let you bring your terrible music taste everywhere you went! Remember the special thrill of spending 6 hours downloading a single Smash Mouth song on LimeWire only to infect your Gateway computer with enough viruses to qualify as a CDC research subject? Those were the days — when "portable music" meant carrying something the size of a brick that could hold exactly one album, and "shuffle" meant physically opening the device and flipping the cassette.

We've come so far, and yet our taste in music remains equally questionable.

SparkKitty Malware Is Like Your Ex Going Through Your Photos, But Worse

There's a charming new malware strain targeting both Android and iOS users called "SparkKitty," which sounds like a Saturday morning cartoon villain but is actually stealing your crypto faster than your drunk cousin at Thanksgiving.

This digital cat burglar has been sneaking onto both Google Play and Apple App Store since February 2024, which means your phone might have been compromised longer than your last New Year’s resolution. SparkKitty uses optical character recognition to scan through your photos looking for cryptocurrency wallet recovery phrases — you know, those things the exchange told you to write down that you immediately screenshotted instead because who has paper anymore?

One infected app called SOEX racked up over 10,000 downloads, masquerading as a messaging app with crypto features. This is basically like that guy at the bar who says he's "in finance," but is actually just trying to get you to join his pyramid scheme.

If you’re looking for a solution to all of this: Stop taking screenshots of your recovery phrases, you animals!!!  It's like writing your ATM PIN on your debit card and then being surprised when someone empties your account. Use encrypted storage services instead, or go really old-school and use a pen and paper stored somewhere other than the shoebox where you keep your "special" browser history.

UK Watchdog Gives Google the Side-Eye

The UK's Competition and Markets Authority (CMA) is one step away from officially designating Google with "strategic market status," which is British for "you're too big and we're watching you." This designation would allow the CMA to force Google to implement search choice screens and fairer ranking principles — basically making Google play nice with others for once.

Google's response was predictably dramatic, saying the announcement presents "clear challenges" and claiming the CMA's considerations remain "broad and unfocused." Or as the Red Coats would say more plainly, : "How dare you question our benevolent search overlordship!"

The CMA plans to make a final decision by October 13th, so Google has a few months to perfect its shocked Pikachu face. Meanwhile, Google has been dodging fines like Neo dodges bullets in The Matrix, successfully appealing a €1.5 billion antitrust fine from the European Commission while still paying a €2.42 billion fine from 2017.

The CMA also clarified that while AI-based search features would be included in the designation, Google's Gemini AI Assistant is currently excluded — presumably because even regulators can't figure out what it's supposed to do.

Microsoft Does Something Nice (Suspiciously)

Has Hell frozen over? Microsoft is extending free Windows 10 security updates into 2026. Seriously, did we get free Windows update before GTA 6? What's the catch? You just have to either pay $30, opt into Windows Backup, or spend 1,000 Microsoft Rewards points.

This is Microsoft's way of saying, "We know you hate Windows 11 and refuse to upgrade, but we're too afraid to admit Windows 10 is better, so here's a half-measure." For those keeping score, Windows 10 still runs on about 53% of Windows PCs worldwide, which is kind of like Microsoft being your ex that still wears your college hoodie two years after the breakup.

They're also still sticking to their guns about 2025 being "the year of the Windows 11 PC refresh," which might be the least catchy catchphrase since Jeb Bush's "please clap." It's giving strong "how do you do, fellow kids?" energy as they desperately try to make Windows 11 happen.

Stop trying to make Windows 11 happen, Microsoft. It's not going to happen.

⚙️ Tool Time

Zapier: Let the Robots Handle Your Soul-Crushing Tasks

Tired of doing tedious garbage work that makes you question your life choices? Zapier connects your apps together, so they can do the boring stuff while you pretend to be productive during Zoom calls.

With over 7,000 app integrations, Zapier (or “Zaps”)  lets you create automated workflows that:

  • End manual data entry — Like having a digital intern who never complains about carpal tunnel syndrome

  • Connect everything to everything else — Make Slack talk to Asana talk to Gmail like the world's nerdiest game of telephone

  • Work while you sleep — Unlike your college roommate's attempt at mining Bitcoin

  • Never ask for vacation days — Or complain about the office temperature being too cold

The real magic happens when you realize you can automate the parts of your job you hate the most:

  • Have Slack messages about specific projects automatically create Trello cards

  • Turn customer form submissions into spreadsheet entries without lifting a finger

  • Make new Google contacts sync with your email marketing platform so you can spam people more efficiently

Zapier's is kind of like outsourcing your TPS reports to Milton from Office Space, except it won't burn down the building if you take its stapler. And unlike your actual coworkers, it does exactly what you tell it to do, every single time, without "forgetting" or claiming they "never got that email." It's like having a digital assistant who never takes bathroom breaks, asks for raises, or judges you when you're still working at 2 AM.

Get started for free or upgrade to a paid plan when your boss realizes you've automated yourself out of a job and wants to know where all the productivity is coming from.

👨‍💻 Job Opportunities

They're looking for someone to simulate attacks on their systems using "adversarial techniques," which really just means "we'll pay you to hack us before the bad guys do." Must have 8+ years in information security and expertise in offensive security tools like CobaltStrike.

If you've always wanted to become a big brother — oops, I mean…. “work with law enforcement surveillance technology,” Motorola needs someone to monitor and troubleshoot Mobile Video/License Plate Recognition systems.

Dropbox is looking for someone to make their mobile app even more mobile-y, while also mentoring juniors and pretending to enjoy endless discussions about Swift syntax. Must be willing to participate in on-call rotations, which is corporate for "your dinner plans will be interrupted by production emergencies at least twice a month."

🛩 Industry Moves

Hey, sunburnt flesh bags!!! Here are some burning questions from our community that I'm absolutely not qualified to answer, but our EE experts did beautifully:

Well, that’s all for this week’s ByteSize! Until next time—keep your scripts clean and your sunscreen closer.

Got news to share or topics you'd like us to cover? Send ‘em our way. We can’t wait to hear from you. Really.