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- Supreme Court Slaps ISPs, VPN Kill Switches, and BlackBerry's Big Loss
Supreme Court Slaps ISPs, VPN Kill Switches, and BlackBerry's Big Loss
How to lose $1.2B selling cybersecurity tech (by BlackBerry), plus your essential VPN checklist.
It's December 24th, and while you're probably thinking about holiday cookies, we're thinking about compression algorithms. Why?
Because on this day in 1994, while most people were hanging stockings, CompuServe was hanging their heads over a licensing agreement with Unisys for the GIF format's LZW compression method. The drama unfolded when Unisys realized their patented compression algorithm had been powering the internet's favorite animated dancing bananas for seven years without compensation.
The resulting "Burn All GIFs" campaign makes today's tech drama look tame – though we suspect the ISPs dealing with today's Supreme Court decision might disagree…
Supreme Court Delivers Lump of Coal to ISPs Over $15 Broadband Law
The Supreme Court just wrapped up an early holiday gift for New York residents – and it's one that has ISPs checking their legal receipts. According to Ars Technica, in a move that has telecom executives spitting out their eggnog, the Court rejected the broadband industry's challenge to New York's law requiring $15-$20 monthly internet service for low-income residents.
Here's where it gets deliciously ironic: Six trade groups (including every acronym you can imagine - CTIA, NTCA, and friends) tried to overturn the appeals court ruling, claiming it would lead to "below-market rates."
But their previous victory lap over blocking federal net neutrality rules came back to haunt them faster than the Ghost of Christmas Past. As the 2nd Circuit appeals court pointed out with what we imagine was barely concealed glee, "a federal agency cannot exclude states from regulating in an area where the agency itself lacks regulatory authority."
The kicker is that the big ISPs are already offering similar low-income programs voluntarily. New York AG Letitia James noted that the three largest providers have affordable broadband products, and smaller ISPs can apply for exemptions. It's almost like they were protesting a law requiring them to do... what they're already doing. The telecom industry's legal strategy is starting to look about as well-planned as using "password123" for your admin credentials.
WordPress’s Pineapple Proxy War Gets Extra Spicy
In what might be 2024's most deliciously petty tech drama, WordPress.org is now requiring users to declare their undying love for pineapple on pizza before accessing their developer portal. According to TechCrunch, this isn't just some holiday hijinks – it's the latest jab in the ongoing cage match between WordPress and WP Engine.
After a court ordered WordPress to remove their "I'm not with WP Engine" checkbox requirement, they replaced it with this fruity loyalty test instead.
Think of it as the tech equivalent of changing your Netflix password after a bad breakup, but on an enterprise scale.
The real question isn't whether pineapple belongs on pizza (it doesn't, fight us), but rather how long before some developer creates a browser extension called "PineappleBlocker" to automatically check that box…
VPN Kill Switches: The Emergency Brake You Didn’t Know You Needed
Think of a VPN kill switch as being your internet connection's designated driver – it might spoil your fun for a moment, but it's absolutely saving you from a world of hurt. As Wired's David Nielo reported, this essential security feature, which automatically cuts your internet if your VPN connection drops, is becoming as fundamental to online safety as remembering not to use your pet's name as a password.
The technical wizardry is refreshingly straightforward: when your VPN connection fails (and trust us, even the best ones hiccup), the kill switch slams the brakes on all internet traffic before your real IP address can play show-and-tell with the wrong crowd.
While every major provider buries this feature in their settings with the creativity of naming conventions ranging from NordVPN's gear icon to ExpressVPN's verbose "Stop all internet traffic if the VPN disconnects unexpectedly" (because apparently "kill switch" was too scary for marketing), it's becoming as essential to online security as not using "password123" for your root access.
⚙️ Tool Time
We recommend Brave.
Think Chrome, but with privacy actually built in instead of bolted on as an afterthought.
It's a browser with a VPN so user-friendly even your non-technical relatives could handle it (perfect timing for those "can you fix my computer?" holiday visits). On top of a native VPN, the Brave browser offers private search and maintains Chrome-like usability without the creepy tracking.
The cherry on top? You can import all your Chrome bookmarks and settings in about 60 seconds flat.
What sets Brave apart is its aggressive approach to privacy – it blocks trackers and ads by default, encrypts your DNS queries, and upgrades connections to HTTPS whenever possible. Plus, with features like Global Privacy Control built right in, you're automatically opted out of data sharing and selling across supported sites.
For the privacy-conscious IT pro who doesn't want to sacrifice convenience, Brave hits the sweet spot between security and usability.
Join us on EE and let us know what tools we should checkout - special thanks to signalbrand for this recommendation.
👨💻 Job Opportunities
If you've got 6-8 years of security experience and want to protect Epic EHR systems, this could be your next challenge. The job requires deep knowledge of healthcare regulations, but the remote work setup means you can fight security threats from your favorite chair (apart from the occasional travel).
Ever wanted to be the Terraform whisperer for a Fortune 500 company? Humana’s looking for someone to essentially be the Gandalf of their infrastructure-as-code kingdom. You’ll be working with their enterprise version of Terraform cloud and orchestrating automation magic across their entire ecosystem.
🛩 Industry Moves
BlackBerry’s $1.2B Cylance Lesson In Depreciation
Arctic Wolf is acquiring Cylance's endpoint products from BlackBerry for $160 million – which in M&A terms is like finding it in the bargain bin with an "80% OFF!" sticker. The deal structure reads like a "buy now, pay later" scheme: $80 million upfront, $40 million when they remember, and 5.5 million shares of "trust us, it'll be worth something." The move seems less about holiday generosity and more about BlackBerry's ongoing identity crisis.
Focused Energy’s $40M Laser Shopping Spree
The fusion power startup Focused Energy just dropped $40 million on two of the world's most powerful lasers. Their goal? Making miniature suns by firing these bad boys 10 times per second. For context, current systems manage about 300 shots per year, making this upgrade like jumping from AOL dial-up to quantum fiber... if your internet connection could potentially solve the world's energy crisis.
💽 Data Upload
And with that, we wrap up our penultimate newsletter of 2024!
Whether you're debugging code or debugging your holiday dinner recipes today, we hope you're having a great one. We'll be back next week with more tech news that matters.
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