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VMware broke. Docker choked. Google poked.
ALSO: Elon sues Apple because one billionaire tantrum a week isn’t enough.
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Welcome back! You survived Labor Day, and now it’s time to pretend you're “recharged.” On this day in 1993—back when grunge flannel shirts were currency and Furby fever was a war crime—Oscar Nierstrasz, some guy at the University Geneva, birthed the first web search engine: W3Catalog.
It walked so Google could run, then trip over AI, and and insist it was pretending to do that all along. Its reign? Three years. Which, in tech, is basically forever. Longer than Quibi, shorter than Zuckerberg’s never-ending PR tours.
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VMware's Like Shawshank, But With More Licensing Fees
Remember when Andy Dufresne crawled through 500 yards of sewage to escape Shawshank? VMware customers are living that metaphor right now, except instead of prison guards, it's Broadcom's pricing team chasing them with invoices that look like Elon's Twitter (oops, I mean “X”) purchase price.
Apparently, since Broadcom's acquisition, VMware licenses have become more expensive than Jeff Bezos's midlife crisis (you know, the one where he bought a yacht to park his other yacht).
The mass exodus is real – companies are fleeing VMware faster than rats from a sinking Segway scooter. An estimated 30-40% of workloads are jumping ship to alternatives like Proxmox, Nutanix, or just going full "screw it" mode and moving to the cloud. This is like watching everyone suddenly realizing the Emperor's new clothes cost $10 million per thread.
But wait, there's more! Broadcom's playing 4D chess by basically ghosting smaller customers. If you're not spending Ferrari money on licenses, they're treating you like that friend who only texts when they need help moving. What’s the strategy, here? Force everyone into expensive bundles they don't need?
The punchline is that this whole situation is creating more opportunities for competitors. Companies are discovering that maybe, * just maybe *, they don't need to mortgage their office buildings to run virtual machines.
Docker Desktop Bug For When Your Container Becomes a Trojan Horse
Docker Desktop just revealed a vulnerability so critical, it makes leaving your passwords on a Post-it note look like Pentagon-level security. CVE-2024-8696 and CVE-2024-8695 are basically VIP passes for hackers — allowing them to waltz into your Windows host system like they own the place.
The bug lets attackers execute commands with full privileges through a fun little trick involving symbolic links. The vulnerability affects versions up to 4.34.2, which means if you haven't updated since your last dentist appointment… Congratulations, you're vulnerable!
Docker's fix? "Just update to 4.34.3, bro." The fact that this affects the Windows host directly is particularly spicy.
Pro tip from someone who definitely hasn't been personally victimized by Docker vulnerabilities: Update now, ask questions later. Unless you enjoy explaining to your CISO why the company's crown jewels are currently being auctioned on the dark web next to NFTs of monkey JPEGs.
Google's Sideloading Crackdown
Google's rolling out Enhanced Fraud Protection faster than Arrested Development’s Gob Bluth can say "I've made a huge mistake." Starting with Pixel phones in Singapore, Google's new feature is essentially a hall monitor for your app installations, because apparently we can't be trusted with our own phones anymore.
The feature uses AI (because of course it does) to scan for "suspicious" apps trying to sideload themselves onto your device. Real-time alerts will warn you when apps try to access sensitive permissions. It's blocking screen sharing during sensitive moments, like when you're entering passwords or looking at your crypto portfolio (both equally embarrassing).
Isn’t it all ironic, this is coming from the same company whose Play Store has hosted more malware than a Windows XP machine running Internet Explorer? But hey, at least they're trying, which is more than I can say for my attempts at maintaining work-life balance.
⚙️ TOOL TIME
Cloudflare: Your Infrastructure Deserves Better Than Duct Tape and Prayer
Look, we've all been there — 3 AM, server's on fire, and you're googling "how to DDoS protection" like you're cramming for finals. Enter Cloudflare, the superhero your infrastructure needs but definitely doesn't deserve after you ignored those security warnings for six months.
Why Cloudflare Hits Different:
Global CDN that actually works… Unlike your cousin's "foolproof" investment advice
DDoS protection stronger than Severance's work-life boundaries
Zero Trust security… Trust nobody, not even yourself at 2 AM with sudo privileges
Workers platform… Deploy code at the edge faster than you can say "but it worked on my machine"
Analytics that don't lie… Not like your Tinder profile
Page Rules… More powerful than whoever decides McDonald's ice cream machine maintenance schedule
Free SSL certificates… Because paying for basic security is so 2010
Bot management… Keeps the bots out better than Twitter's verification system
Also, what we’re really stoked about is Cloudflare Connect 2025 is happening October 13th!
It's like Comic-Con for people who get excited about latency optimization and edge computing. You'll learn things that'll make you sound smart in meetings, which, let's be honest, is half the battle. Save your spot here.
👨💻 JOB OPPORTUNITIES
Can you spot SQL injection faster than I can spot plot holes in late-season Game of Thrones? This role needs someone who treats security vulnerabilities like John Wick treats people who hurt his dog. (Federal clearance required BTW)
The ultimate tech bae (get it?!?) is looking for someone who can architect cloud security like Frank Lloyd Wright, but with fewer leaky roofs. AWS mastery required, ability to explain zero-trust to executives using car analogies strongly preferred.
Channel your inner Tyrion Lannister… drink wine and know things (about security). Travel required, but think less "yacht in Monaco" and more "conference room in Cleveland."
Ever wanted to manage a platform that makes the Westworld storyline look straightforward? This role requires patience of a saint and the troubleshooting skills of someone who's definitely googled "OpenText error" at 11 PM on a Friday.
🛩 INDUSTRY MOVES
IBM and AMD are joining forces to "build the future," or simply because they’re scared of NVIDIA. Honestly, just expect a lot of buzzwords about “AI synergy” while NVIDIA keeps cashing trillion-dollar checks.
Elon Musk’s suing Apple over ChatGPT integration because apparently he doesn’t have enough lawsuits already. He claims the deal is anticompetitive, which is rich coming from a guy who tried to make X the everything app and got… Twitter Blue?
Google pulled 19 million malicious Android apps, or as I call it, "Tuesday."
Russia wants to ban Google Meet, presumably because even Putin can't figure out why his camera won't turn on. Officially, it’s about “security concerns,” but we all know the real enemy is the mute button…
Hey there, fellow bit-pushers! Chip here with this week's burning questions from the EE trenches:
This person asks whether to bind their Mac to Active Directory or just accept chaos.
Someone's wondering about VMtools, probably while crying over Broadcom's new pricing.
A client still running SBS2011? That's like driving a Model T on the autobahn while blindfolded.
Well, there we have it! Stay patched and petty, and maybe that Docker container won't try to eat your system this week.
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