Windows Now 30% AI-Coded: Explains Everything, Fixes Nothing

Welcome back, dude and dudettes!

Look, I tried to avoid it, but this week's tech news is more AI-stuffed than Mark Zuckerberg's personality simulator. But before we dive into that mess, let's remember something less depressing...

It’s May 6, 2025 — and on this day in 1998, Steve Jobs unveiled the original iMac at the Flint Center Theater. Yes, the same place where he introduced the Macintosh in 1984. This bondi blue beauty (named after an Australian beach, not a small investment vehicle) was marketed as the "Internet-age computer for the rest of us."

Apple booked 150,000 pre-orders before its August 15th release, kickstarting the company's renaissance and their obsession with slapping "i" in front of literally everything they made.

Microsoft: "30% of Our Code is AI-Generated" (And You Can Tell)

Microsoft: “AI writes our software.” Users: “Yeah, that checks out.'"

At Meta’s LlamaCon (yes, that’s a real name, no, we’re not coping), Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella casually revealed that about 30% of the company’s code is now written by AI—especially in newer projects. If you’ve used Windows recently, this tracks. The next time your PC blue-screens from opening a PDF, just know it was lovingly handcrafted by an unpaid intern powered by ChatGPT, who once failed the Turing test and driver's ed.

With Microsoft's AI army cranking out code at record pace, entry-level programmers are looking more endangered than Netflix's DVD service. But the good news is that the AI apparently excels at writing fresh code but struggles with legacy systems. Kind of like how I'm great at starting new diets but terrible at maintaining my existing body.

Nadella also reminisced about his dream to merge Word, Excel, and PowerPoint into one product, which might now happen thanks to AI. Because clearly what the world needs is one giant app that crashes three times as spectacularly — losing your spreadsheet, deletes your slideshow, and freezes mid-sentence all at once. It's like watching someone built a ship in a bottle made entirely of parts from the Dollar Tree.

Meanwhile, Mark Zuckerberg—whose emotional range falls somewhere between "cardboard" and "slightly damp cardboard"—couldn't even remember his own company's AI coding statistics when asked.

UK Retail Getting Absolutely Wrecked by Hackers

British retailers are having a worse time than Boris Johnson at a hairbrush convention.

Co-op supermarket recently shut down parts of its IT systems after detecting an intrusion attempt. They've been tight-lipped about whether the hackers got in, which basically means, "Oh God, they're everywhere."

Meanwhile, Marks & Spencer (M&S) is dealing with a full-blown ransomware attack from a group called "Scattered Spider." The attack has been so disruptive that 200 warehouse workers were told to stay home, which is either the worst or best excuse for not coming to work since "my pet iguana is having an existential crisis."

The hackers reportedly first breached M&S back in February, when they stole the company's Windows domain database containing password hashes. They then deployed something called "DragonForce ransomware" last month. (DragonForce sounds like what happens after eating Taco Bell.)

Most concerning is that these "Scattered Spider" operators include hackers as young as 16. When I was 16, I was trying to figure out how to talk to my crush, not orchestrating multi-million dollar ransomware attacks.

Kids these days, am I right? They don't even need fake IDs anymore—just a VPN and questionable ethics.

Meta Tightens Privacy Policy, Loosens Actual Privacy

Every time Meta glasses listens in, Zuck’s ears grow bigger.

Meta has updated the privacy policy for its Ray-Ban smart glasses, removing the option to disable voice recording storage. This is about as surprising as finding out water is wet or that Elon Musk tweeted something regrettable at 3 AM.

The email they sent to users included this gem: "Meta AI with camera use is always enabled on your glasses unless you turn off 'Hey Meta.'" Translation: "We're watching you... unless you tell us not to, which we've made harder to do."

Meta spokesperson Albert Aydin clarified that photos and videos captured aren't used for training... yet. But voice recordings are stored for up to a year "to help improve Meta's products," which is Silicon Valley code for "feeding the data-hungry AI beast living in Mark Zuckerberg's basement."

The timing is impeccable—right as Meta rolls out its standalone Meta AI app to compete with ChatGPT.

⚙️ Tool Time

We recommend Looking Glass - Workplace.

It’s also a video platform that lets remote teams just... exist together. It's basically a permanent Zoom call where you can hang out with coworkers all day long. Because what the work-from-home experience was missing was the sensation of being constantly watched.

Our EE reader Ian, who flagged Looking Glass to us, says, "It's the sort of thing that once you've used it you just feel alone and empty when you don't have it." Which, coincidentally, is exactly how I feel about pizza, bourbon, and my ex-wife's Netflix account.

Looking Glass bills itself as a solution to the "Presence Barrier" of remote work, offering "unlimited connection time" so "your session will never time out."

Their privacy guarantee claims "you are always in control of how you show up to work," presumably meaning you can strategically position your camera to hide the fact that you're not wearing pants. Or any clothes. Look, I'm not here to judge your remote work style.

Thanks Ian for the rec!

👨‍💻 Job Opportunities

Gartner - Expert Partner, IT Strategy Consulting

Are you the type that loves explaining to clients why they need to spend more money on technology they don't understand? Then boy, have I got the job for you! Requirements include "intellectual curiosity" (Googling solutions when the client isn't looking) and "delivering value-added relationships with senior executives" (nodding sagely when they say things that make no sense).

DIRECTV - Principal, IT Software Engineer 2 - AIOps Lead

DIRECTV is looking for someone to teach AI how to fix things before humans notice they're broken. You'll need to monitor systems with "the care of Stephen A. Smith," which I assume means yelling "THIS IS BLASPHEMOUS!" whenever a server goes down.

Chainlink Labs - Senior Software Engineer, Tokenization

Chainlink seeks a senior engineer who can "build applications and standards that will define how assets are tokenized across Web3." Translation: make digital money things do stuff good.

🛩 Industry Moves

• Intel's EVP and chief commercial officer Christoph Schell is bailing after just two years. He notified Intel Monday that he's leaving "to pursue another career opportunity," or in other words, "literally anything else." This comes as new CEO Lip-Bu Tan dramatically transforms the company, including making everyone come to the office four days a week.

• Microsoft is trying to fix multiple Outlook and SharePoint Online bugs after search functionality went kaput. They claim to have deployed a fix but are "suspiciously still monitoring for further optimization," which is like your mechanic saying your car is fixed, but they're still "monitoring" why smoke is coming from the engine. The company is also addressing an issue where the "paste special" shortcut doesn't work—expected to be fixed by "Late July." Maybe they should ask AI to write that 30% of the fix?

• Competing startups Validia and Proctaroo have launched products to catch people using Cluely, an AI cheating app that went viral for being "undetectable." Cluely's CEO Roy Lee called these anti-cheating tools pointless, comparing them to failed anti-cheat software in video games. He even suggested they might pivot to hardware like "smart glasses, a transparent glass screen overlay, a recording necklace, or even a brain chip."

• Microsoft pledged to fight any U.S. government order to halt data center operations in Europe, trying to calm European customers worried about trans-Atlantic tensions. The tech giant promised they would "promptly and vigorously contest such a measure," noting they have experience fighting both Trump and Obama administrations. He announced a 40% increase in European data center capacity over the next two years, because nothing says "we trust each other" like keeping your data slightly closer to you.

Have a career move you want to share? Tell us here. 

I’m back from the weekly OneDrive support group meeting!  Real talk: If OneDrive were a person, it would be that roommate who reorganizes your stuff without telling you and then asks why you're so upset:

• First up, a user discovered Microsoft randomly put two workstation desktops in a shared OneDrive, causing deleted icons on one computer to disappear from another.

• Another user reports OneDrive won't sync properly despite connecting to accounts online. They've tried resets, reinstalls, and probably animal sacrifices, all to no avail.

• Finally, someone's having Windows 11 license issues (of course) when upgrading from Home to Pro, with error messages about keys already being used. Finding which laptop used which key is like trying to figure out which twin ate the last cookie—they both look guilty, but one of them is definitely lying.

Now, raise your hand if you’ve ever been victimized by OneDrive.

Well, that wraps up another week of tech news that makes us question our career choices. Now, don’t forget, if AI writes 30% of Microsoft's code now, there's still 70% written by humans to blame when things go wrong. That’s a silver-lining, I guess?

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