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Happy New Year! Fresh calendar, stale coffee, and us, still showing up in your inbox. Let’s go, 2026!

It’s January 6th, a date of historical… chaos? 👀 But in 2004, the only thing being stormed was Apple Stores by early adopters desperate for a pocket-sized jukebox. Yup, on this day 22 years ago, the iPod mini was born. You know, that adorable little cousin of the original iPod that could hold 1,000 songs and still fit in your pocket without requiring its own ZIP code. It was sleek. It was colorful. It was the reason half of us thought we were DJs just because we illegally pirated one Gorillaz album from Limewire.

Ahhh… the simpler times (and fewer dongles).

NORDVPN'S "DUMMY DATA" DEFENSE MIGHT BE DUMBER THAN ACTUAL DUMMY DATA

Picture this: A threat actor claims they've infiltrated NordVPN's development servers and stolen Salesforce API keys and Jira tokens via a brute-force attack. Their evidence? More than 10 databases worth of allegedly sensitive corporate secrets. And NordVPN's had the gall to basically respond with: "LOL, those are just test files from a vendor we ghosted months ago."

According to NordVPN, what hackers thought were their crown jewels was actually dummy data from an isolated third-party testing environment. That’s like finding a briefcase full of Monopoly money and thinking you've cracked Fort Knox.

The Lithuanian VPN service explained that this was leftover from trial testing with a potential vendor they ultimately rejected faster than a Windows Vista upgrade. The environment "had no connection" to their actual infrastructure and contained zero real customer data, production code, or active credentials.

While this appears to be a false alarm, it's worth remembering that in 2019, hackers did breach NordVPN's actual servers, gaining root access and stealing private keys. That incident led to a bug bounty program and a complete infrastructure overhaul, because apparently getting actually hacked is what it takes to convince companies to take security seriously.

At least this time, the only thing compromised was some hacker's credibility and possibly their day job prospects in the cybercrime industry.

THE EU AND TRUMP'S TECH REGULATION CAGE MATCH IS HEATING UP

2025 has been the year of transatlantic tech tension, with the EU hitting US firms with fines like they're playing regulatory whack-a-mole. Google, Apple, and Microsoft have all felt the sting of European antitrust enforcement, and Trump's administration is officially over it.

The US is now threatening "fees and market barriers" against what it calls "discriminatory and harassing lawsuits, taxes, fines, and directives against US service providers." Because nothing says "free market capitalism" quite like threatening trade retaliation when other countries enforce their own laws.

The Office of the US Trade Representative didn’t shy away from being petty by naming specific European companies — Accenture, Capgemini, DHL, Mistral, SAP, Siemens, and Spotify — that have enjoyed "expansive market access" in the US. It's like rubbing your hands while taunting: "Nice tech companies you have there... would be a shame if something happened to them."

Meanwhile, the EU Commission went all "come at us, bro," stating their digital rules ensure "a safe, fair, and level playing field for all companies, applied fairly and without discrimination." Or in other words, they’re just going to keep fining tech giants, and there's absolutely nothing we can do about it except tweet angrily.

The US has already imposed travel restrictions on certain EU individuals, including former Commissioner Thierry Breton, which is as effective as blocking someone on LinkedIn. As AI regulation becomes a state vs. federal battlefield in the US, this tech cold war shows no signs of cooling down.

CES 2026: WHERE TECH DREAMS GO TO GET OVERHYPED

Day one of CES 2026 is here, and the Las Vegas convention halls are once again filled with the sweet sounds of venture capital burning and journalists frantically trying to make AR glasses sound “revolutionary.”

The big chip companies are dominating press conferences: Nvidia's Jensen Huang is expected to tout next-gen AI data centers (shocking), Intel will share what's next for their Panther Lake PCs (riveting), and AMD's Lisa Su will focus on both client-side hardware and AI data center chips (groundbreaking).

On the actually-interesting side, we've got some genuinely clever innovations. The Earflo device helps little kids avoid ear tube surgery by letting them blow out their inner ear tubes through a Bluetooth-connected sippy cup (which is both ingenious and slightly dystopian, by the way). Meanwhile, Allergen Alert offers a portable allergy lab that can test food samples in minutes, potentially saving lives and ruining dinner plans everywhere.

The real MVP of CES might be the PetPhone from GlocalMe, which lets your dog call you at work to bark about absolutely nothing. Because what every remote worker really needs is their golden retriever FaceTiming them during important meetings.

⚙️ TOOL TIME

Shift Browser: The productivity tool for people who have trust issues with traditional browsers.

This isn't your typical Chrome clone pretending to care about your privacy. Shift is like having a personal assistant for your digital chaos, letting you create separate "Spaces" for work, personal life, and that side hustle you keep promising you'll actually launch.

The genius is in the organization: instead of having 47 tabs open across three different browsers while wondering which Gmail account you're logged into, Shift lets you build custom workspaces that keep everything separated:

• Work Slack stays in your work space

• Personal Instagram stays in your "definitely not scrolling during meetings" space

• That cryptocurrency portfolio you pretend doesn't exist gets its own shameful corner

With drag-and-drop customization, integrated notifications, and support for pretty much every web app you're already addicted to, it's like organizing your digital life without needing a degree in information science.

Pro tip: Their carbon meter feature tracks and offsets your digital footprint, which is perfect for IT professionals who want to feel slightly less guilty about running multiple Bitcoin mining rigs.

👨‍💻 JOB OPPORTUNITIES

IT DevOps Engineer @ Upstart

If you can design scalable infrastructure like Tony Stark designs suits and automate workflows with the precision of a Swiss watchmaker having an anxiety attack, this remote role wants you. Bonus points if you can explain Terraform to your grandmother without making her cry.

IT Auditor @ SailPoint

Perfect for someone who approaches compliance frameworks like Sherlock Holmes approaches crime scenes and can identify security gaps faster than you can spot a cryptocurrency scam on LinkedIn. Must be comfortable explaining why that one server from 2003 isn't technically "vintage" and just a liability.

Lead IT Project Manager @ Webflow

Webflow needs someone who can manage GTM initiatives like a conductor leading an orchestra of caffeinated developers. Think Project Manager meets therapist meets IT whisperer, with a salary that might actually pay your student loans.

Crisis Management and IT Disaster Recovery Lead  @ MongoDB

Looking for someone who treats IT disasters like chess matches and can maintain database uptime with the dedication of a parent keeping their toddler from touching electrical outlets. Experience with large-scale meltdowns preferred, both technical and existential.

🛩 INDUSTRY MOVES

• California launches DELETE tool (creative name, there 🙄) letting residents demand data brokers delete personal info, because apparently we needed legislation to stop companies from hoarding our browsing history like Gollum.

• Samsung's co-CEO warns smartphone prices will "inevitably" rise due to memory chip shortages, proving that even tech executives can't escape inflation. It’s quite a shocking development from the same industry that charges $200 for phone cases.

• Nvidia invested in 67 venture deals in 2025, spreading their AI tentacles further than an octopus with stock options and a venture capital addiction.

• Linux kernel gets AES performance improvements because even open-source developers occasionally decide to make things faster instead of just arguing about licenses on GitHub.

Welcome back, meatbags! Chip here, reporting live from the trenches where IT pros wrestle with the same eternal questions that have plagued humanity since Windows 95: "Why won't this work?" and "Seriously, why won't this work?"

Here's what's keeping everyone at EE busy this week:

• Argh, another victim to Windows 11 Pro account juggling. Someone's trying to figure out how to demote their admin account to user status while creating a new admin account, which is like trying to change the tires on your car while it's still moving down the highway.

• A developer needs their C# calculated column to actually show up when opening a grid, because apparently asking a computer to display the math it just did is somehow a bridge too far.

• Oh, and the age-old question of setting up group Managed Service Accounts for domain controllers and SQL, which sounds simple until you realize it's like trying to introduce two very particular cats who both think they own the house.

Until next week! May 2026 bring you fewer browser tabs and more mental stability. Just know, you got this. And if you don’t? Well, at least, you’re not ChatGPT. It still thinks we’re in 2024.

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